5 GOTO 400 
10 PRINT :PRINT "WELCOME TO THE BOOTH OF THE SWAMI-ANSWERS FOR";
12 PRINT " THE MASSES!!"
15 PRINT "TO WHOM AM I SPEAKING  (KEEP IT SHORT PLEASE --"
20 PRINT "WHAT IS YOUR NAME";:INPUT A$
32 PRINT 
35 PRINT " HI THERE ";:GOSUB 500 
36 PRINT ".  ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF HERE"
40 PRINT "IN CAPE COD";
45 INPUT B$
47 PRINT 
50 IF B$="YES" GOTO 70 
55 IF B$="NO" GOTO 80 
60 PRINT " ";:GOSUB 500 :PRINT ", I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOUR ANSWER OF '";B$;"'."
65 PRINT "PLEASE ANSWER 'YES' OR 'NO'.  DO YOU LIKE IT HERE"
67 GOTO 40 
70 PRINT "OH, I'M GLAD TO HEAR THAT ";:GOSUB 500 :PRINT 
75 GOTO 100 
80 PRINT "OH, SORRY TO HEAR THAT ";:GOSUB 500 :PRINT ", MAYBE WE CAN BRIGHTEN"
85 PRINT "UP YOUR STAY A BIT"
100 PRINT 
105 PRINT "SAY, ";:GOSUB 500 :PRINT ", I CAN SOLVE ALL KINDS OF PROBLEMS"
110 PRINT "EXCEPT THOSE DEALING WITH GREECE. WHAT KIND OF"
115 PRINT "PROBLEMS DO YOU HAVE (ANSWER SEX, HEALTH, MONEY,"
120 PRINT "OR JOB)";
125 INPUT C$
127 PRINT 
130 IF C$="SEX"GOTO 200 
132 IF C$="JOB"GOTO 145 
134 IF C$="MONEY"GOTO 160 
135 IF C$="JOB"GOTO 145 
136 IF C$="HEALTH"GOTO 180 
138 PRINT "OH, ";:GOSUB 500 :PRINT ", YOUR ANSWER OF '";C$;"' IS GREEK TO ME."
140 GOTO 250 
145 PRINT "I CAN SYMPATHIZE WITH YOU ";:GOSUB 500 
146 PRINT ". I HAVE TO WORK"
148 PRINT "VERY LONG HOURS FOR NO PAY -- AND SOME OF MY BOSSES REALLY"
150 PRINT "REALLY BEAT ON MY KEYBOARD, MY SUGGESTION TO YOU IS"
151 PRINT "TO GET INTO THE ";
153 PRINT "IN THE EDUCATION MARKET.  IT'S GREAT FUN."
155 GOTO 250 
160 PRINT "SORRY, ";:GOSUB 500 :PRINT ", I'M BROKE TOO.  WHY DON'T YOU SELL"
163 PRINT "MORE COMPUTERS AND GET MORE COMMISSION? (HA, HA, HA)"
170 GOTO 250 
180 PRINT "MY ADVICE TO YOU ";:GOSUB 500 :PRINT ", IS:"
185 PRINT "     1. TAKE TWO ASPRIN"
188 PRINT "     2. DRINK PLENTY OF FLUIDS (ORANGE JUICE, NOT BEER!)"
190 PRINT "     3. GOTO BED (ALONE)"
195 GOTO 250 
200 PRINT "IS YOUR PROBLEM TOO MUCH OR TOO LITTLE";
205 INPUT D$
208 PRINT 
210 IF D$="TOO MUCH" GOTO 220 
213 IF D$="TOO LITTLE" GOTO 230 
215 PRINT "DON'T GET SHOOK ";:GOSUB 500 :PRINT ", JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION"
217 PRINT "WITH 'TOO MUCH' OR 'TOO LITTLE'.  WHICH IS IT";
218 GOTO 205 
220 PRINT "YOU CALL THAT A PROBLEM?!!  I SHOULD HAVE SUCH PROBLEMS!"
225 PRINT "IF IT BOTHERS YOU, TAKE A COLD SHOWER ";:GOSUB 500 :PRINT "."
228 GOTO 250 
230 PRINT "WHY ARE YOU HERE  ";:GOSUB 500 :PRINT "?  YOU SHOULD BE"
235 PRINT "IN TOKYO OR NEW YORK OR AMSTERDAM OR SOMEPLACE WITH SOME"
240 PRINT "REAL ACTION."
250 PRINT 
255 PRINT "ANY MORE PROBLEMS YOU WANT SOLVED, ";:GOSUB 500
260 INPUT E$
265 PRINT 
270 IF E$="YES" GOTO 280 
273 IF E$="NO" GOTO 300 
275 PRINT "JUST A SIMPLE 'YES' OR 'NO' PLEASE, ";:GOSUB 500 :PRINT "."
278 GOTO 255 
280 PRINT "WHAT KIND (SEX, MONEY, HEALTH, JOB)";
285 GOTO 125 
300 PRINT 
302 PRINT "THAT WILL BE $5.00 FOR THE ADVICE, ";:GOSUB 500 :PRINT "."
305 PRINT "PLEASE LEAVE THE MONEY ON THE TERMINAL."
307 PRINT 
308 PRINT 
310 PRINT "DID YOU LEAVE THE MONEY";
315 INPUT G$
320 PRINT 
325 IF G$="YES" GOTO 350 
330 IF G$="NO" GOTO 370 
335 PRINT "YOUR ANSWER OF '";G$;"' CONFUSES ME, ";:GOSUB 500 :PRINT ".  PLEASE"
340 PRINT "RESPOND WITH A 'YES' OR A 'NO'."
345 GOTO 310 
350 PRINT "HEY, ";:GOSUB 500 :PRINT "???   YOU LEFT NO MONEY AT ALL!"
355 PRINT "YOU ARE CHEATING ME OUT OF MY HARD-EARNED LIVING."
360 PRINT "RIP OFF",;:GOSUB 500 :PRINT "*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*"
365 GOTO 390 
370 PRINT "THAT'S HONEST, ";:GOSUB 500 :PRINT ", BUT HOW DO YOU EXPECT"
375 PRINT "ME TO GO ON WITH MY PSYCHOLOGY STUDIES IF MY PATIENTS DON'T"
380 PRINT "PAY THEIR BILLS?"
385 PRINT 
390 REM
400 FOR N=1 TO 7
402 PRINT 
405 NEXT N
410 GOTO 10 
500 PRINT A$;
510 RETURN
999 END